| Ask Mom: Help--My Child is a Whiner! | | Posted on Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 6:00am |  (Wisdom) is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her, (Proverbs 3:15)
Dear Mom:
My preschooler whines a lot when she wants something, now I see it happening in my toddler—how do you stop the “whinnies?”
Help! Frustrated
Dear Frustrated:
Whining is a very common problem with children of all ages—and adults for that matter. If your preschooler is whining excessively, the chances are you have given in way too much. No doubt the younger sibling has quickly learned that whining works and you may be giving in too much with him or her as well. If you whine or complain when things don’t go the way you hoped, your children will imitate that behavior.
Giving into whining at any point, after ten minutes or even days, teaches a child she can win. The biggest problem with whining is that if not stopped early—at the stage of your children are now—it can lead to serious problems later. Parenting expert Michele Borba Ed.D, in her book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, emphasizes the importance of intervening and stopping whining as soon as possible.
“Most experts say that whining almost never stops without parental intervention. In fact, the rare kids you do stop on their own usually do so because they’ve found more efficient ways of getting their needs met—and those ways may include lying, stealing, or sneaking out after hours, or even more destructive behaviors like drug and alcohol abuse. So take this behavior seriously and stay committed to making this change happen.”
A whining child, who eventually gets what he wants, will continue to crave more. As Christian parents, we want our children to be “godly” right? What good is it if they do all the right Christian things, but are not content?
But godliness with contentment is great gain, (1 Timothy 6:6)
Try these tips for dealing with whining:
- Teach your child to use a “nice voice.” Toddlers whine because they want attention and using a whining tone works. Show your child the difference between an annoying, whiny tone and a normal one. Ask the child to “talk nice,” and do not give in until she does. Don’t make fun of your child’s tone of voice, but demonstrate the difference, and then practice together. Thank you and praise your child for using a “nice voice.”
- Don’t give in, and instruct others to do the same. If you give in after any period of time, your child will learn where your breaking point is and whine longer next time. Your preschooler may have something your toddler wants, and so in order to shut little brother or sister up, the older sibling gives into the younger one. Such behavior only reinforces whining. I have to watch myself not to give into my grandchildren. I’m amazed sometimes how lenient I’ve become in my old age—the privileges of being a grandparent, but harmful to my grandchildren.
- Designate a “Whining Chair.” When our kids were little, the time-out
 corner was reserved for other misbehavior, but we had a “whining chair” where all whiners went. Once they were in elementary school, the whining started again—as it does at all ages and stages—and we had a “No Whining” button that the whiner had to wear. That stopped the whining really quickly.
- Make the answer an automatic “no” when whining is involved. This was our standard rule, which worked extremely well with our kids. We flatly refused if they asked with whining tones—and did not give in, unless there was a definite change of heart, not just tone of voice.
- Ignore the whine and definitely do not overreact. It’s really easy to lose your cool after several minutes of whining. Turn away when a child whines. Respond as soon as the whining stops. Stay calm, and don’t look or act irritated, no matter how much you what to scream. Leave the room, sing, or do something, to keep you distracted from the whining.
- Deal with your child’s impatience. Whining often occurs when you are doing something and not focused on your child. Children have a sixth sense when you pick up the phone, even if they are contently playing in another room. Before the whining starts, gently motion to your child that you will be with her in a few minutes. Tell her that you will listen to her when you are off the phone or finished doing whatever you are doing. This will often stop the whining before it starts.
One of my favorite mottos in child-rearing is “this too shall pass.” Unfortunately, that is not true for whining. This behavior is form of grumbling and complaining, and we know what happened to the Israelites when they whined in the desert. We certainly do not want our children wandering apart from God as they grow up.
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe, (Philippians 2:14-15).
| | | | |
 All comments are moderated. There will be a delay before your comment appears below. Cheryle Touchton says: If parents don't deal with whining - the children grow up and their employers and spouses have to deal with it. I love your tips - expecially about ignoring whining. Two more come to mind:
1. Don't whine yourself - even about whining. I'm astounded at how many parents whine to their children.
2. Kneel down, take their sweet face in your hands, look them in the eye, and gently say, "Before I ignore you, I'm going to give you a chance to say that again in a way that I'm willing to listen."
|
Recent Posts
Categories
View Main Weblog
Links
Authorized Log-In