Looking at this picture it’s hard to identify the bully. Actually Micah and Eppie are really not bullying each other. However, they do tend to tease until they reach the breaking point. If a tease is allowed to continue and escalate it can turn into bullying and cause sibling “star wars” in the home.

Bullying is intentional harassment and manipulation. It has become a widespread problem in schools and so common that many parents see it as a natural part of growing up. When I speak to women, a surprising number of them share their concerns that they have a bully in the family. Among the thirty kids we took into our family, we experienced a few bullies ourselves. Here are some suggestions to help deal with this problem.

Search the heart. What drives the child to bully his or her siblings? Folly is bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15). What anger and selfishness is bound in the child that comes out in bullying? It’s hard for a mother to accept the truth about the sinful nature of their child, but that’s the start of loosening the folly and dealing with the problem.

Stomp out meanness. While a little teasing lightens a situation, meanness shouldn’t be tolerated. When kids get a reaction they tend to push buttons to obtain the desired response. While my daughter-in-law snapped the funny picture she certainly didn’t allow them to continue fighting with one another. Quickly deal with meanness before bitterness grows between siblings. As Hebrews 12:15 states, see to it that . . . no bitter root grows up to cause trouble.”

Spend extra time. Jealousy can often cause bullying. Many of the women who expressed concerns over their bullies had small infants. Their preschoolers were jealous of the new babies. Many times the bully is trying to gain attention by his bad behavior. Making time for each child helps take the edge off the bully.

Seek guidance. If the bullying continues, seek help from your pastor, a family counselor, or a parenting expert, like my friend Brenda Nixon. Again admitting there is a heart condition can be tough for any mother, but ignoring it can lead to greater problems.

Often a child prone to bullying will also rebel and bully his parents. When you find your child manipulating and telling you what to do, it may mean he's becoming a bully. A child allowed to bully at home will grow up to be one in society. And God doesn’t desire us to put up with bullies.

In fact, you even put up with anyone who enslaves you or exploits you or takes advantage of you or pushes himself forward or slaps you in the face, (2 Corinthians 11:20).

Let’s teach our children to draw closer to God. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near, (Philippians 4:5).

Other posts on the sibling rivalry:

Tempermental Tattlers; Bossy Busybodies; Compulsive Competitors