Carla's Weblog

Stupid Things We Tell Our Kids

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 06:00:00 PST

While cleaning up some files I ran across one of those internet messages people send around that list stupid things. This one was of dumb instructions printed on packages such as:

Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.”
Bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner. No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (So am I suppose to steal it?)
Bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
A American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”

These are just a few, and after I stopped laughing, I started thinking of stupid things we moms say to our kids. Have you ever said the following?

“You’re grounded. . . for life.” (That would mean your kid will never leave home . I don't think so.)
"Do as I say, not as I do.” (So what are you doing?)
". . . because I said so, that's why!" (So who died and made you God?)
“Do you want a spanking/timeout?!(What kid is going to say YES?)
"I'm going to tell your father!” (For some kids this might not be a threat.)
“That’s the last time I’m going to tell you.” (So how many times have you already said it?)
“Don’t come running to me when you break a leg.” (If he breaks his leg, he won’t be running anywhere.)

While this is fun, we all say things we really don’t mean. Our words may seem appropriate at the time, but they can be harmful to our children. Words are powerful and our tongues often work faster than our minds. As Proverbs 15:2 tells us, “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”

As believers we want our kids to belief and obey the Word of God, the Bible. It starts with making sure they can trust us to say what we mean and that our “yes is yes and our no, no” (James 5:12). If we tell our kids they will be grounded for life, which of course we cannot really do, they may think that God doesn’t really mean he will punish the wicked for eternity. They may feel no consequences for bad behavior.

When we preach one thing then do another we set a double standard. Our children may follow our example and keep secrets in their own lives. They will think it's okay to lie and act differently in public than in private.

It’s tough sometimes in the heat of the moment to keep our mouths shut. However, we will earn our kids respect and obedience when we keep our words simple, to the point, and trustworthy.

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few (Ecclesiastes 5:2).

So what crazy thing have you told your kid that you wish you hadn’t?

Sailing to Mexico

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 08:01:00 PST

I usually don't share too much about my "other life" on here, but our family is very active in the Christian Publishing industry. My husband is Executive Publisher for WinePress Publishing where I'm the Editorial Director and Publicity Director. Our children are actively employed or involved as well. It's a blessing to work with my family in this way.

So I want to announce that WinePress Publishing is sponosring a cruise to Mexico February 27-March 6. The exciting part for me is that my long-time writing mentor and dear friend Cec Murphey will be our keynoter. Nick Harrison, editor from Harvest House Publishing will also sail with us (in fact, it was his idea since his wife was already cruising with her quilting group). These two men are two of the finest, most encouraging men I know in the Christian publishing industry.

Sign up right away before the prices go up!

If you are an aspiring writer or just want to sail to Mexico with some really fun people--during the cold winter months--then join us!

Typos in Life

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 06:00:00 PST

If you received my ezine this week you may or may not have noticed a typo. In my list of books I read this past month, I messed up on one title. Instead of Missing Max by Karen Young, I typed Mixing Max. The crazy thing is, I kept looking at it, knowing something wasn’t right, but couldn’t see the problem. I even woke up in the night knowing I had sent a typo out, but couldn’t put my finger on it. Then in the light of day, of course I see it! Ugh! (By the way it's a fun, suspenseful read.)

I thought about sending out another message immediately to the ezine list, but thought “Who wants more stuff in their email box?” The damage was done and if you linked to the book you see the title, but it still bugged me all weekend. Hey, I’m supposed to be a professional who doesn’t make mistakes. Then I got busy and forgot about it—until this morning, it started eating at me again.

Isn't this how sin works in our lives? We say something hurtful or do something we shouldn’t. Or our pride kicks up and we dig our heels in and refuse to admit we’re wrong. We see it in our kids too. They do something wrong—don’t make their bed, forget to feed the dog, tell a lie—and they immediately try to cover up with excuses or more lies. If it’s not dealt with we soon forget about it —until the next time.

Human nature is a funny thing. We live in a fallen universe so typos are going to happen. The problem comes when we try to cover it up or deny we sinned or “forget about it.” Unfortunately minor things turn into sin when we make excuses. For example, I could blame spell check or the fact I have so little time to do everything on my plate for “mixing” up Max. But the truth is I was in a hurry. I wanted to send out my newsletter right then. It frustrates me when it’s late—which often happens—and I didn’t want to let it rest, like I know I should. But this is my prevailing sin—not resting. How many times does my husband have to tell me “Slow down?” He’s constantly reminding me that everything will get done in God’s timing. The ezine was about finding rest, for goodness sakes! And I couldn’t let it rest for one night before sending it.

We often refuse to admit our frailties, sins, and typos and convince ourselves no one notices or cares. What harm did it do? Yet, the damage is done in our hearts. When we excuse our sins, our hearts can soon grow cold and hard. We no longer acknowledge or recognize the truth—or see the typos in front of our face.

Praise God for his Light that reveals our sins and exposes our hearts. When we run to the Light and bask in it, then the typos don’t matter. God backspaces our sins away.

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin (1 John 1:7).

Ask Mom Resource: Momology

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 21:16:00 PST

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him (James 1:5).

This book is packed with lots of "ask mom" types of questions and answers. Designed similar to a “dummies” book, Momology : A Mom's Guide to Shaping Great Kids is a comprehensive course on motherhood. Author Shelly Radic uses her position as chief of staff of MOPS International and 36 years of research based on the ministry. Momology looks at the four core elements of successful mothering. It includes stats, tips, ideas, and stories "voices" from parents, relationship experts, and the team at MOPS International.

This book addresses topics such as depression, community, sense of humor, discipline, caregivers, understanding childhood, focusing on God, and other “mom” issues. There are “practicums” throughout the book, providing real life action steps for moms. Mix and match and choose the steps and ideas that fit your needs. There is a section focusing on the "grandscape" and God's view on parenting.

Daily Weeding

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 06:00:00 PST

It’s summer and with summer comes weeds. Our gravel driveway has lots of weeds. Timothy and I are spending this week at our place in the country. I love coming here where it’s quiet and peaceful; the world just seems to move slower. However, since we haven’t been up here all summer, some things haven’t been taken care of—mainly the weeds.

Now this might sound crazy, but I love pulling weeds. There is something about it that is cleansing to the soul. Whenever I pull weeds I ask God to pull the weeds out of my heart as well.

Each day I go out and spend about ten minutes pulling weeds. The gravel keeps the weeds from having too deep of roots, making it pretty easy to pull them up. I’m amazed at how just a few minutes of pulling makes such a difference. There have been times when the weeds are so bad that I have to spend days cleaning out the beds. But once they are clean, it requires very little effort and time to keep them clean.

It’s the same with my heart. There are times when God has to dig deep and work at cleaning out my stubborn roots of pride and opinions. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If I have a soft heart, like the soil under the weeds in my driveway, then it shouldn’t take a lot of pulling to clean out the sin. It should only take a few minutes each day to pull the sin and weeds out of my heart as well.

I must confess that there have been weeds I like to think are really flowers. I don’t want to pull them out and find reasons to ignore them. Soon the yard is covered and the real flowers are choked out. Once I allow God to cleanse my heart and plow it up it only takes a few minutes a day to keep my “garden” weed free.

Jesus told a parable about weeds and how they grow up among the good wheat. He said not to pull them because it might damage the wheat in the process. I want to daily pull the weeds from my heart. How terrible it would be to find out in the end that I was a weed and not a stalk of wheat.

Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.' "(Matthew 13:30).

Related Posts
Spiritual Pruning
Cleaning up Messes

Guest Blogger: Motivating Tween Boys

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 06:00:00 PST

Sara Broers is an avid blogger/writer/speaker that resides in North Central Iowa. Sara is married, has two teenage sons that are 19 & 15. She is an avid supporter of teens, people with physical disabilities, and proud of the fact that she lives in Iowa. You can find her on her blog: All In An Iowa Mom's Day. I asked Sara Broers to give us some pointers on surviving the tween stage.

Motivating a pre-teen boy can be one of any mom's most hair raising, or should I say hair graying moments? As a mom to a 19 and 15 year old teen, I have been there, and trust me, I have experienced it. Video games, Ipods, cellular phones, and just plain old laziness seem to take grip of our pre-teen boys, just when we moms really need to get a hold of them! So, what's a mom to do?

First of all it is of the utmost importance that we get our pre-teen boys outside. Boy Scouts, church camp, local parks and recreation activities and the like! When boys are allowed to get out of the house and actually be boys, they tend to flourish. I witnessed this many times when I attended Cub Scout Camp and Boy Scout Camp with my boys. When boys can toss a rock into a ravine and not be told, “No,” they really do blossom. For some reason, a rock has a calm, cool, sensation for a pre-teen boy.

So, how do we let them know that Jesus is also their rock? A fairly simple process, make sure you and your family are active in a local church. From drumming in a youth praise band to camping with the youth group, your pre-teen boy can experience life in a way he never dreamed of. When I was transporting my pre-teen boys around, I also made sure I had my favorite radio station on in the car. Which just happens to be a Christian radio station~ a good way to reinforce the fact that Jesus is the rock in your household!

It begins with you, the parent. You need to take the initiative and lead by example. Are you showing your pre-teen boy your rock? Take time to share and allow your pre-teen boy to be himself. Get the whole family into the beautiful outdoors that our loving God has surrounded us with. Appreciate the beauty that surrounds us and accept the fact that your pre-teen boy will need you along the way! Most importantly be sure you are there for him when he needs you. Remind him: Jesus told us, “I have come as light into the world, that everyone who believes in Me may not remain in darkness” (John
12:46).

Expiration Dates

Mon, 9 Aug 2010 21:02:00 PST

Yesterday I cleaned out our pantry and found several items—nuts, cereal, granola bars etc—had expired. The expiration dates fell between March and the present—the five months I’ve been on the road. I’ve only been home a week or two at a time since the end of February, so of course the pantry is the last thing I take care of. I usually have my daughters clean out the cabinets and take the food before it expires, but that didn’t happen this year. So here I was throwing out old staples.

With that chore accomplished, I headed into my office and dug into piles stacked throughout the room. Each one represented a trip or conference from the past months—notes, books, and handouts I have not had time to sort, file, or pass on.

These things represent five months of my life, packed with traveling. I realized staples and condiments were not the only thing that had expired—my grandchildren’s babyhood was passing by quickly. A phone call with four-year-old Micah revealed how much he is growing up. He no longer says, “Hi Nanny, I wuv you.” Now it’s, “Hi Granny, how are you? I miss you. I love you,” sounding like a little grown up instead of my little grandbaby. And three-year-old Eppie tries to outsmart her Grandpappy, instead of shyly standing off watching him. The two eighteen month-olds, Moriah and Benjamin, no longer waddle along, but run and talk in three word sentences. Where had my babies gone? I can replace the things in my pantry, but I can’t replace those days of my little ones growing.

Timothy and I are truly blessed compared to many grandparents. Our little ones are close by and I can see them at least every other week rather than months or years apart. However, I hate missing anything of their growing up.

I often tell young mothers to enjoy every minute—even the hard days, for time passes very quickly and soon your little ones will be grown with children of their own. It’s easy to take our days for granted, especially when they are filled with so many things to do. As Timothy and I grow older, I realize how precious our time is and how these days are a small part of eternity. When we ask the Holy Spirit to guide our days, they are still busy and full, but the important things such as love, holiness, and wisdom don’t expire.

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath” (Psalm 39:4-5).

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).

Rejoicing in a Fallen Universe

Fri, 6 Aug 2010 08:08:00 PST

We might live in a fallen universe—but does it have to fall on me so much?

I’m sure you have asked that question many times. We all have days when everything seems to go wrong—days when the washing machine breaks, your kids make a huge mess, the dog chews up your new shoes, you’re late because of a traffic jam.

Yesterday was that kind of day for me. It seemed like everything wanted to jump out to attack me. I opened the fridge and ten cans of soda rolled out. Then the bottom door shelf fell off—and I was preparing breakfast! The rest of the day was pretty much the same.

My husband and I use to call these sorts of experiences “Job days.” Timothy has now taught me to understand that sometimes “bad days” are just part of life. He laughs at the world when things fall apart or don’t work out, where I tend to feel frustrated and want to give up. In the scope of eternity, such things are minor, and certainly to not compare to Job’s problems. There is a difference between times when God is purposefully refining us, and days when things “just happen.”

My dear friend Cec Murphey says, “One of the advantages of aging is that we mature and not longer expect total happiness and life without hardship. We learn the seasons of life by living with and trusting in a God who loves us.” (Hope and Comfort for Every Season, Harvest House).

“Fallen Universe” days prepare us for the “Job days” of greater significance and tragedy. The way in which we handle the little irritations in life will show how we face the greater struggles. Job lost everything—his cattle, his crops, even his children, all as test of faithfulness. We all will face hardships, death is inevitable. Learning to “rejoice” always and learn to laugh as the world falls around us, strengthens our faith and prepares us for the future.

When Cec lost his son-in-law in a fire a neighbor asked him, “How can you be so calm?” He replied, “I’ve been preparing for this loss.”

He didn’t see this tragedy coming, yet he knew that God had taken him through many “tragedies and losses, heartaches and disappointments.” Some had been devastating but they pushed past them. “When this tragedy struck, God had prepared us (he and his wife Shirley) so they could handle the loss. Now we were able to accept this tragedy and to thank God for always being with us, even in the darkest moments.”

Today as I walk through this fallen world, I will keep looking up to the perfect world that lies ahead. I will rejoice when things don’t go the way I hoped or planned. I will grit my teeth and “consider it pure joy” (James 1:2).

Letting God Plan My Course

Mon, 2 Aug 2010 22:00:00 PST

I returned late last night from the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina where an amazing group of 600 dedicated women worshiped, learned, prayed, laughed, and cried together. The Proverbs 31 team knows how to put on a great and very organized conference. I saw old friends and made many new ones. For two days I took appointments and listen to incredible stories of how God has worked in the lives of women. I met several who I felt a kindred spirit with, and know if we lived closer we would be best girlfriends. It’s nice when God gives you a little taste of what heaven will be like.

During the weekend, I felt God cleansing my heart. You see, for many years I held a dream of joining the Proverbs 31 speakers team. Before our family became so involved with WinePress Publishing I spoke to women’s groups, MOPS, and women’s retreats regularly. When my husband Timothy took over the company, suddenly for the most part those stopped. It wasn’t as if I quit accepting invitations, they just stopped coming. In one way this was a good thing since I travel and speak extensively on behalf of WinePress. I’m ashamed to say that I often sulked about my own speaking ministry, not wanting to accept God’s plans. However, He didn’t totally close the door on my passion to mentor women. He took me a different direction by making The Spiritual Mom and blogging on Christian Momlogic my main ministry focus outside of the publishing, for which I’m feel so blessed.

This weekend at She Speaks, I realized how much in the past I would have desired to be an attendee rather than a “special guest.” God granted me grace to find joy and contentment in serving the women who sat across from me in my appointments. I could understand why God had not made way for WinePress to attend for several years. My heart would not have been pure and ready to give unselfishly. Envy and selfish ambition would have taken over. This weekend I felt none of that, but enjoyed helping build up the Body of Christ. Praise God!

God is amazing. Our sons Joshua and Josiah are representing WinePress at the Oregon Christian Writers conference this week. This made it possible for me to attend She Speaks this year—a gift from God. As they have begun to attend and speak at writers conferences in my place, I’ve started to slowly receive speaking invitations again. I have no clue what God has in store. I do know that he places desires in our heart, but if we place too much importance on them, He will take them away or redirect them. He is a jealous God and will not allow anything be held too high a place in my heart—no matter how noble it looks.

I’m thankful to have played a part in the She Speaks ministry this week, even if it’s not in the way I had always dreamed. Whether I am a Proverbs 31 speaker or helping to equip others in their ministry isn’t important, as long as the gospel spreads and God receives all the glory.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps (Proverbs 16:9).

Middle School Blues: Wimpy Kid or Wimpy Parents?

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:34:00 PST

I’m at the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina. On the way here, one of the movies on the plane digi-player was the Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Since we’ve been focusing here on the middle school age, I decided to watch it. The movie has now been made into a book series for kids and selling by the millions. A second movie is scheduled to come out March, 2011. Somebody is a good marketer, since there are 24.3 million children in the United States between the ages of 6 and 11 years and 24.8 million between the ages 12 and 17 years—all who can relate to this movie and books.

The writers did a great job of capturing the struggles of this age group—the various sizes, shape, personalities, and aspirations. If you’ve seen this movie, you no doubt either 1) saw your own kids in particular characters or 2) saw yourself at that age. Personally, I related to the “My girl Friday” character. While I didn’t hide under bleachers, I tended to stand on soap boxes and write for the school newspaper. Not sure why I didn’t continue on with journalism in high school since I enjoyed it so much in middle school.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid, inadvertently, is a good reminder that God knits each of our children in the womb and determines the times they should be born. Unfortunately, the movie depicted the parents as clueless and helpless in steering their child(ren) in the right direction. I wouldn’t expect them to talk about God in a general market movie, but at least have some words of wisdom to impart. If you ask me, the parents were the wimpy ones.

The tween stage is a perfect time in life to guide our children to rely on God. Jesus was twelve when he stayed behind asking tough questions of the leaders in the temple. At this age children start to make independent decisions and face moral and ethical choices. Parents still have some influence at this age and need take advantage of that fact. Here are a few suggestions:

1) Listen to your tween. Pay close attention to what they are saying and ask God for discernment. They typically will not tell you what they are truly dealing with, but will drop hints in their conversations.

2) Spend time with your teen—apart from sports and other scheduled activities. Go to a movie or to their favorite restaurant. Do things your child will enjoy.

3) Encourage journaling. The movie is centered on the character Greg Heffly’s diary, which is emphasizes is a journal. Journaling is a great way for kids to air their feelings. Do not read their journal unless you feel God prodding you or you have permission. And if you do, certainly do not take anything personal you read.

4) Start conversations that help your child reason. Bring up subjects such as bullying, dating, drugs etc and allow your child tell you his thoughts. Help your child formulate answers and decisions before they face such problems.

5) Pray for and with your child. The best way for your child to learn to pray is to pray with you. Guide him in conversational prayer with God. Teach them to hear God and to ask him for direction.

While one of the most confusing times in your child’s life, it’s also one of the most intriguing and foundational growing stages. Before you know it your son or daughter will be asking for the car keys and you will wonder what happened. Take time to enjoy your tween and please, don’t be a wimpy parent.